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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Notices “Chastity” Sign Just 20 Minutes Too Late

May 13, 2022 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Morden’s famous “Chastity” sign was a little too far down the road for local dating couple Jeremy Goertzen and Amy Fehr, who had just spent considerable time in the back seat of Jeremy’s […]

The Daily Bonnet

Warhol’s ‘Miriam’ Shatters Record, Sells for $195 Million

May 11, 2022 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY A rare Andy Warhol pop art painting of Mennonite literary icon Miriam Toews shattered auction records this week after an anonymous bidder from Schanzenfeld scooped up the image for a whopping $195 million, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Empty Steinbach Car Lots to Be Filled with Horses

May 9, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The worldwide automobile shortage has been felt across the globe, but no more so than in the “Automobile City” Steinbach, Manitoba, where local dealers have gone to great lengths to keep customers on […]

The Daily Bonnet

Netflix to Crack Down on Mennonites Sharing Passwords

May 6, 2022 Andrew

LOS GATOS, CA After losing more than 200,000 subscribers and millions of dollars last month, streaming service Netflix plans to crack down on the more than 1.5 million Reimers all sharing the same Netflix password. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mrs. Dueck Shows Up at 4 AM in Anticipation of 9 AM Garage Sale

May 5, 2022 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Mrs. Dueck parked her lawn chair outside the Schellenberg residence at 4 AM this Saturday morning in anticipation of the garage sale, which, according to the signs, begins at 9. “Gotta be first […]

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