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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Engaged Woman Struggles to Keep from Farting in Front of Her Fiancé

June 8, 2023 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB With his three weeks to go before the wedding, Sandra Kliewer is struggling to prevent herself from farting in front of her soon-to-be husband. “We started dating a year ago, so it’s been […]

The Daily Bonnet

Chaste Young Mennonite Man Fully Intends to Pay Before He Pumps

June 2, 2023 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Area man Guillermo Wiens, 19, was absolutely flummoxed by the “pay before you pump” sign at the local gas station this afternoon. “Why would such a sign even be necessary?” wondered Wiens. “What […]

The Daily Bonnet

Cottage Cheese Vereniki Wins Landslide Victory Over Potato and Cheddar Perogies

May 15, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The votes have been tallied and it’s no surprise that cottage cheese vereniki is the overwhelming favourite at the Mennonite Heritage Village Mother’s Day buffet. “I like to think of this buffet as […]

The Daily Bonnet

Pick-Up-and-Walk Crew Followed Closely By Toss-Your-Cigarette-Butts-Out-the-Window Crew

May 7, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Every year, the community of Steinbach gathers together on a Saturday to pick up garbage and beautify the city. It’s called ‘Pick up and Walk’ and is quickly followed by an even more […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Town Installs Massive New Rug Under which to Sweep All Their Problems

May 6, 2023 Andrew

HIMMELSFELD, MB The good folks of Himmelsfeld, Manitoba unveiled a massive new rug this week, under which they intend to sweep all the town’s problems. If it’s large enough, that is. “We’ve been sweeping our […]

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