Nation Eliminates Poverty with $100 Million Investment in Jesus Commercials


The United States of America is close to becoming the first country on earth to eliminate poverty this week after the airing of a $100 million Super Bowl commercial that, apparently, promots the benefits of foot-washing.

“Looks like all my problems are over,” said Timothy Unger, who recently fell on hard times due to a downturn in the economy. “You know what’s better than a little help paying the rent? AI-generated TV commercials!”

Early analysis indicates that the USA is on track to lift more than 30 million people above the poverty line by the end of this year, all thanks to a generous investments in Super Bowl ads.

“The more we spend on foot-washing commercials, the more the poverty seems to disappear,” said analyst Ted Kroeker. “You know, $100 million is nothing to sneeze at and I’m so glad to see this money going to a good cause.”

The campaign has been so successful in promoting foot-washing and eliminating poverty that Hobby Lobby is now offering a Do-it-Yourself home foot-washing kit complete with tepid water and sock lint.

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