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The Daily Bonnet

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Paints His Massey Ferguson Green and Yellow

July 25, 2019 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Local farmer and bachelor Peter Miller, 27, gave his bright red Massey Ferguson a quick green and yellow paint job this past weekend in order to seduce one of the Smucker sisters, who […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Birthers’ Demand Baptism Certificate from Daily Bonnet Founder

July 24, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Skeptical of his Mennonite credentials, a half dozen conspiracy nuts from just outside Steinbach are demanding to see the baptism certificate of Daily Bonnet author Andrew Unger. “We want to see his long-form […]

The Daily Bonnet

City of Abbotsford to be Renamed “Basically Vancouver”

July 22, 2019 Andrew

BASICALLY VANCOUVER, BC In a radical rebranding effort meant to accurately reflect the perceptions of outsiders, the city of Abbotsford, BC, recently passed a motion to rename the community Basically Vancouver. “We also considered More-or-Less […]

The Daily Bonnet

Police Vow to Put a Stop to Mennonite Crack Problem

July 20, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Citizens of the Manitoba capital have been deeply distressed by the ever-increasing crack problem within the city’s Mennonite population this summer. The problem came to a head this week after a huge quantity […]

The Daily Bonnet

New FaceApp Just Makes Everyone Look Like a Mennonite

July 18, 2019 Andrew

ST. PETERSBURG, RUSSIA A popular new social media app called FaceApp allows people to add wrinkles, grey hair, and a long beard to see what they’ll look like decades into the future. “Basically they’re turning […]

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