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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Wins National Curling Championship

March 1, 2021 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Mary Dueck, 58, of La Crete, Alberta has taken home the 2021 Canadian Women’s Curling Championship by successfully leaving a set of ten pink plastic rollers on her head for a record six […]

The Daily Bonnet

St. Catharines, Ontario to be Renamed Taunte Katherine’s

February 24, 2021 Andrew

TAUNTE KATHERINE’S, ON After having reached the required minimum threshold of resident Mennonite aunties, the city of St. Catharines has voted to officially change its name to Taunte Katherine’s effective the first of the month. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Why is the Mennonite Town of Goessel, Kansas Shaped Like a Gun?

February 22, 2021 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS For some strange reason the pacifist Mennonite town of Goessel, Kansas has managed to fashion their town in the exact shape of a Colt M1911 pistol. “It’s a mystery to me,” said local […]

The Daily Bonnet

A Guide to Underwear Shopping for Mennonite Men

February 20, 2021 Andrew

Ahh, yes, underwear shopping, every Mennonite man’s biggest fear. Well, fear no more, the Daily Bonnet has created this handy guide that will make underwear shopping as painless as possible. Just follow these step-by-step instructions […]

The Daily Bonnet

Tickets for Mennonite Hip-Hop Musical ‘Hostetler’ Impossible to Get

February 19, 2021 Andrew

HOLLSOPPLE, PA Tickets for the new hip-hop musical telling the life story of former NFL quarterback Jeff Hostetler were snatched up so quickly that even Mrs. Kauffman couldn’t get her hands on a pair. “I’ve […]

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