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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Still Using the Toilet Paper She Bought Last Year

March 17, 2021 Andrew

MOOSE JAW, SK Rose Bueckert, 43, of Moose Jaw has barely even scratched the surface of all the extra absorbent Cottonelle she panic-bought at the beginning of the pandemic last year. “It’s just like all […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Appear in New Reality Show ‘Quilting with the Stars’

March 15, 2021 Andrew

ARBORG, MB Mrs. Bergman and Mrs. Kroeker or Arborg are just two of the many skilled Mennonite artisans to be featured on the upcoming season of ‘Quilting with the Stars.’ “We’ve been working on a […]

The Daily Bonnet

New TikTok Account Features Videos of Mennonite Woman Resisting the Urge to Dance

March 9, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB It’s the hottest TikTok account in Altona and it features videos of a Mennonite woman just sitting there perfectly still for ten to fifteen seconds. “Wow, did you see that crazy video of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Newton’s “World’s Tallest Mennonite” Drafted by Golden State Warriors

March 4, 2021 Andrew

NEWTON, KS Hailing from Newton, Kansas, the 17-foot limestone Mennonite Settler statue known across the globe as the “World’s Tallest Mennonite” has finally reached his true calling: playing center for the Golden State Warriors. “After […]

The Daily Bonnet

Help Mr. Funk Decide: Is He Swiss or Russian Mennonite?

March 2, 2021 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Mr. Funk of Kitchener has recently uncovered information on a popular genealogy website that has completely shattered his conception of himself. “I’ve had a crisis of identity,” said Mr. Funk. “I always thought […]

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