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Unger the Influence

Unger Suspicion

Evander Kane Caught with Fake Low German Vaccine Sticker

October 20, 2021 Andrew

SAN JOSE, CA Troubled San Jose Sharks forward Evander Kane is facing suspension this week after being caught with a totally fake Plautdietsch vaccine sticker. “I picked it up in Fresno,” said Kane in his […]

Unger Suspicion

Anti-Pantsers Demand Their Constitutional Rights

September 13, 2021 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Thousands of angry anti-pantsers invaded Leamington this week and decided to dine at local restaurants without sporting any bottoms whatsoever. “I’ve never had to use so much Lysol in all my life,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Eager to Tell Everyone About Her Medical History

September 8, 2021 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Taunte Lina, 86, of Chilliwack was devastated to find a sign on the door of a local business saying that they were defying government health orders requiring proof of vaccination and would not […]

Unger Suspicion

Medical Experts Predict Fourth Wave of False Analogies

September 3, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Newly-released modelling suggests a coming fourth wave of false analogies sometime this fall. “If we don’t get things under control, we’re going to have a huge surge of folks comparing getting a needle […]

The Daily Bonnet

Top Ten Things to Expect Now that a Steinbacher is in Charge

September 1, 2021 Andrew

For the first time in 151 years a Steinbacher, Kelvin Goertzen, was sworn in as Manitoba Premier this morning, and many Winnipeggers are wondering just what to expect over the next sixty days of his […]

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