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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Becomes ‘Completely Hooked’ on the Pink Stuff

August 12, 2019 Andrew

BLUMENHOF, MB Mr. Bergman of Blumenhof has been undergoing intensive counseling with the pastor this week after it was discovered he had an unhealthy obsession with the pink stuff on formavorscht ever since he discovered […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Farmer Sausage Recipe Calls for 30 to 50 Feral Hogs

August 7, 2019 Andrew

A recently uncovered recipe for traditional Mennonite farmer sausage calls for “30 to 50 feral hogs.” The document, translated from Plautdietsch, and found jammed into a hymn book at the local Bergthaler church, is believed […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Walks Around All Day with Kale in Her Teeth

August 5, 2019 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Susan Dueck, 43, of North Kildonan has been walking up and down Henderson Highway today doing her errands with a huge piece of kale in her teeth. The embarrassing piece of kale […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Hospitalized After Eating Too Far Into the Green Part

August 4, 2019 Andrew

MANITOBA COLONY, MEXICO Mr. Wiebe had to be rushed to the hospital in Cuauhtemoc this week after he failed to heed the warnings of all those around him and ate well into the green part. […]

Unger & Thirst

Panic Strikes Bible Camp After Tuck Shop Runs Out of Doritos and Pepsi

July 31, 2019 Andrew

CAMP MENNO BIRD, SK The staff at Camp Menno Bird have been on damage control this week after the tuck shop ran out of Doritos and Papsi the very first day. “We simply didn’t order […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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