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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

“Of course they’re edible!” Mennonite Woman Brings Potent Snack to Church Potluck

September 13, 2022 Andrew

ST. JACOBS, ON Everything seemed to be going just fine at the West Side St. Jacob’s New Mennonite Church potluck this Saturday afternoon, until guests started snacking on the delicious red gummies that Mrs. Zehr […]

Unger & Thirst

Truck Spills Schmaunt Fat All Over Memphis Highway

September 9, 2022 Andrew

MEMPHIS, TN “The schmaunt fat was everywhere. The schmaunt fat was in the northbound lane. The schmaunt fat was in the southbound lane. The schmaunt fat was pooling in all the potholes.” This, according to […]

Unger & Thirst

Thousands of Partiers Show Up to Mennonite Man’s “Hot New Disco”

September 8, 2022 Andrew

HOCHFELD, MEXICO Equipped with bellbottoms and Bee Gees records, thousands of eager dancers showed up in the tiny village of Hochfeld, Mexico this week for what promised to be the “hottest disco in all of […]

Unger & Thirst

Abbotsford Man Subsists Entirely on Rempel’s Farmer Sausage Soup

September 5, 2022 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC For more than 17 years, local man Earl Penner has eaten nothing but Rempel’s Farmer Sausage Soup at Ricky’s breakfast, lunch, and dinner. “Ever since my Martha passed away, I’ve been coming here […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Clings Tightly to Casserole as Husband Drives to Potluck

September 3, 2022 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Mrs. Dierdre F. Banman was seen firmly gripping her casserole on the way to the Kleine Gemeinde potluck this past Sunday. “We meddachschlopped a little too long this afternoon,” explained Banman. “So we […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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