Truck Spills Schmaunt Fat All Over Memphis Highway


“The schmaunt fat was everywhere. The schmaunt fat was in the northbound lane. The schmaunt fat was in the southbound lane. The schmaunt fat was pooling in all the potholes.”

This, according to the New York Times, was the result of a Friday morning roll-over on a Memphis highway. A truck transporting the precious white cream gravy from Winnipeg, Manitoba to Swift Current Colony, Mexico suddenly veered off the road spilling the delicious sauce all over the road.

“If this had been Goessel, Kansas or Henderson, Nebraska everyone would have known what to do,” said chief schmaunt fat transport officer Mark Reimer. “But we were in the middle of Tennessee, not too far from an Olive Garden, and everyone assumed it was alfredo sauce.”

Mislabled as alfredo sauce, locals began scooping it up and dumping it on plates of fettucinne.

Diewel, devil, schinda, this is the worst alfredo sauce I’ve ever had,” said one Memphis resident suddenly compelled to speak Low German. “Wow, if this is how they make alfredo sauce up in Canada, then I’ll scratch that off my travel destination list.”

Rescue workers managed to salvage a few barrels of the schmaunt fat, which is being eagerly anticipated by the folks in Chihuahua.

“Normally we make our own schmaunt fat around here,” said Mrs. Ens of Swift. “But we figured we’d give this Canadian stuff a try. I sure hope it doesn’t taste anything like alfredo sauce … or worse yet, beschamel!”

Before the schmaunt fat rescue team cleaned up the mess, dozens of canoes and even a couple jet skis were spotted taking a cruise through the delectable white sludge.

(photo credit: DDOT DC/CC)

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