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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Billionaires Rescued from Meatball Sub

June 21, 2023 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB The fate of highly successful flax farmer Darren Klassen and his billionaire farmer buddies hangs in the balance at a southern Manitoba sandwich shop this afternoon. “Will he risk it with the meatball […]

Unger & Thirst

It’s So Hot Today that Mennonite Man is Willing to Drink Bud Light

June 20, 2023 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB As temperatures soared well above 30 Celsius this afternoon, local farmer Darryl Wiens, 37, set aside his principles and cracked open a Bud Light of all things. “This goes against everything I stand […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Smokes His Sausage By Just Leaving it Outside for a While

June 13, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The air quality was so bad in Winnipeg this afternoon, that Mr. Dave Peters managed to smoke a whole ring of formavorscht just by leaving it sitting out in his backyard for a […]

Unger & Thirst

Lord Blesses Mennonites with Massive Farmer Sausage Smoke Shack

June 9, 2023 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The prayers of devout Mennonites across Canada have been answered this week as thousands of acres of forest are now on fire, providing ample opportunity to smoke a sausage or two. “I was […]

Unger & Thirst

For Dessert Today? Sugar Cubes Dipped in Coffee

June 5, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Delicious zuckastetja were on full display this Sunday afternoon at the annual GCEMC faspa/funeral and Mennonites throughout the region flocked to get their hands on the prized treat. “No plautz for me,” said Mr. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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