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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mrs. Plett Mixes Papsi and Water to Make Mennonite Swamp Water

June 3, 2023 Andrew

LANDMARK, MB Mrs. Ruth Plett of Landmark encountered the fountain drinks at the Dairy Queen in Steinbach this week and decided to boldly try a little Papsi with some water in it yet. “Oba, nay, […]

Unger & Thirst

Pantry Inspector Fines Mennonite Woman for Hoarding All the Aylmer Tomatoes

May 31, 2023 Andrew

AYLMER, ON During the semi-annual Mennonite church pantry inspection this week, Mrs. Martens was caught with more tomato cans than she needed for a lifetime and received a 3-month suspension of her pantry license, plus […]

Unger & Thirst

Winnipeg Police Seize Mennonite Woman’s Basket of Chanterelles

May 21, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB In an effort to crack down on mushrooms in the city, local police raided a North Kildonan home this week and seized Mrs. Driedger’s basket of wild chanterelles. “Oba, Harry and I had […]

Unger & Thirst

Jello Fruit Salad Proves Too Tempting for Mennonite Man

May 17, 2023 Andrew

TOFIELD, AB Mr. Jeremy Goerzen of Tofield, Alberta could not resist the siren call of Jello fruit salad this week and wound up hospitalized with a “really awfully tummy ache.” “Oi yoi yoi, that was […]

Unger & Thirst

Funeral Cancelled After Bridge Fire Cuts Off Cheese Curd Supply

May 11, 2023 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB Funerals in the area were cancelled today after a bridge fire cut off access to the cheese curd factory in New Bothwell. “Jauma, no cheese curds? Looks like we’ll have to postpone […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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