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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Caught Using ‘Hunky Bill’s Perogie Maker’

October 3, 2023 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Anna Harms, 51, of Grunthal has been caught “cheating” with Hunky Bill. The cheating was of great concern to her husband Darrel, who always assumed her perogies were hand made. “And then I […]

Unger & Thirst

Residents Asked to Cut Down Rhubarb Plants to Stop Attracting Hungry Mennonites

September 29, 2023 Andrew

BANFF, AB After 51-year-old Harry Fast was discovered in Mrs. Fehr’s rhubarb patch this weekend, residents of Banff, Alberta are being asked to remove plants that will attract hungry Mennonites. “It’s simply not safe to […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Introduces New ‘Dunkel’ Schmaunt Fat

September 27, 2023 Andrew

WINKLER, MB In what has already been hailed as the greatest innovation in Mennonite culinary history, area woman Lois Braun, 57, introduced a new dark, more robust schmaunt fat at the church potluck this week. […]

Unger & Thirst

Man Who Ate All 183 ‘Burger Week’ Burgers Reveals His Favourite

September 17, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After trying all 183 ‘Le Burger Week’ burgers in Winnipeg, plus another 15 or so out in Steinbach this week, area man Darren Sawatzky has revealed his very favourite. “I didn’t want to […]

Unger & Thirst

Delta Passengers Offered Free Taco Bell Coupon

September 10, 2023 Andrew

ATLANTA, GA Passengers on the ill-fated Delta Airlines flight this week were offered a $5 coupon to Taco Bell as compensation for their unfortunate trip. “This is just one way we’re giving back to the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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