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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Can’t Figure Out What to Make for Supper Tonight

April 2, 2024 Andrew

LINDEN, AB When Earl Dueck was tasked with cooking supper tonight, he initially thought the planning would be easy. “All I know is it has to be good,” said Dueck. “We are having guests.” But […]

Unger & Thirst

New Steakhouse to Offer Extra Tough and Chewy Steak ‘Just the Way Mennonites Like It’

March 25, 2024 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB A brand new steakhouse in the small Mennonite town of Blumenort is offering patrons a delectable array of the toughest overcooked pieces of beef. “We specialize in old dairy cows,” said restaurant proprietor […]

Unger & Thirst

Authorities Seize Mennonite Woman’s Dangerous Looking Pickle Spears

March 24, 2024 Andrew

GRETNA, MB Avid canner Tina Kroeker was held for questioning at the border this week after the discovery of a large collection of dangerous looking pickle spears. “They asked if I had any weapons,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Poutine Wins 5th Term with 88% of the Vote

March 22, 2024 Andrew

MONTREAL, QC A box of delicious greasy poutine has won a whopping 88% of the popular vote this week, although some have doubts about the validity of the results. “I didn’t vote for poutine. My […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Feeds Entire Family for a Week on One Little Caesars Pizza

March 11, 2024 Andrew

BLUMENORT, SK Area woman Tammy Dueck has perfected the art of making one Little Caesars pizza feed her growing family of 8 for an entire week. “I send one piece along with Dan for his […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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