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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Woos Potential Spouse by Eating Takis Fuego

February 14, 2024 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO Area man Kjnels Thiessen, 21, is attempting to woo the single women of Manitoba Colony by consuming a whole bag of Takis Fuego during faspa this Sunday. “Oba, that Kjnels sure is handsome […]

Unger & Thirst

10 Hottest Mennonite Spices Ranked in Order of Spiciness

February 10, 2024 Andrew

As any historian can tell you, when Menno Simons broke off from the Catholic church several centuries ago, he started a new sect dedicated to non-violence, adult baptism, and an abnormal obsession with spicy food. […]

Unger & Thirst

“Spicy” Mennonite Dish Consists Mostly of Dill

February 8, 2024 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB Those who say Mennonites don’t like spicy food obviously don’t know waut de schissjat they’re talking about. A case in point is Mrs. Doris Loeppky, who threw in more than a handful of […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Couple Ill-Prepared for Encounter with ‘Spicy Perogy Pizza’

February 4, 2024 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The Platts of Landmark decided to take a trip into the big city of Schteinbach this weekend for date night once yet. However, the Platts were not prepared for what they encountered at […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Groundhog Predicts Early Paska Buns this Year

February 2, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Winkler Willie, the Mennonite world’s most famous groundhog, has just announced there will be an early spring this year, meaning southern Manitobans will be able to enjoy paska buns sooner rather than later. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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