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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Abandoned Pizza Hut Serves as Lasting Monument to Human Ingenuity and Indigestion

March 4, 2024 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Impossible, due to its distinctive shape, to repurpose for any other use, abandoned Pizza Hut buildings have cropped up in cities and towns across the continent, a living testament to the ingenuity and […]

Unger & Thirst

McFarmer Sausage Returns to McDonalds After 10-year Hiatus

February 20, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB There were lineups at McDonalds locations across the country this week, as the beloved McFarmer Sausage burger has finally returned. “It’s a boneless pork sandwich just like my Onkel Corny used to make,” […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Woos Potential Spouse by Eating Takis Fuego

February 14, 2024 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO Area man Kjnels Thiessen, 21, is attempting to woo the single women of Manitoba Colony by consuming a whole bag of Takis Fuego during faspa this Sunday. “Oba, that Kjnels sure is handsome […]

Unger & Thirst

10 Hottest Mennonite Spices Ranked in Order of Spiciness

February 10, 2024 Andrew

As any historian can tell you, when Menno Simons broke off from the Catholic church several centuries ago, he started a new sect dedicated to non-violence, adult baptism, and an abnormal obsession with spicy food. […]

Unger & Thirst

“Spicy” Mennonite Dish Consists Mostly of Dill

February 8, 2024 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB Those who say Mennonites don’t like spicy food obviously don’t know waut de schissjat they’re talking about. A case in point is Mrs. Doris Loeppky, who threw in more than a handful of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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