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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Tim Hortons to Replace Timbits with Mennonite Zwieback

June 14, 2024 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Canadian donut giant Tim Hortons held a press conference on Henderson Highway this afternoon to announce a new item on the menu – Mennonite zwieback – well, just the tops anyway. “For […]

Unger & Thirst

Stanley Cup to be Filled with Rogers Golden Syrup this Year

June 13, 2024 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Even though they’re down 2 games to none, the Edmonton Oilers are confident they can be the ones to drink golden syrup from the Cup this year. “We’ve got all of La Crete, […]

Unger & Thirst

Chips Blamed for Kicker’s Accuracy Problems

June 7, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The Canadian Football League announced big changes this afternoon after an abysmal performance by Blue Bombers kicker Sergio Castillo last night that was attributed to the presence of chips in the area. “From […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Looking Forward to Those New Smoked Cheese Curds

June 6, 2024 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB It made headlines across the Mennonite world – fire at Bothwell Cheese! Thankfully the headline in The Carillon declared “Cheese Supply safe!” which had Mennonites breathing a sigh of relief … and […]

Unger & Thirst

Canadian Woman Confuses Vegemite for Nutella

June 3, 2024 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Area woman Erin Klassen of Abbotsford was about to enjoy a delightful snack of Nutella on bread, while she sat down to watch season 3 of The Bear this evening. However, Klassen’s snack […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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