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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Canadians Gorge on Turkey While Millions of Americans Starve

October 10, 2016 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Yes, Canada has it’s own Thanksgiving holiday and, thanks to an earlier harvest, it comes a full six weeks before the American celebration. This means that gluttons across Canada can fill their bellies […]

Unger & Thirst

Meet the Woman Behind the Pistachio Pudding Shortage

October 9, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Every Thanksgiving thousands of Mennonites find themselves without the necessary means to make the traditional pistachio salad from the EMMC ladies cookbook, because the stores run out of Jell-o pistachio instant pudding mix […]

Unger & Thirst

Blue Jays Apologize After Mennonite Man Pelts Outfielder With Knackzoat

October 7, 2016 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The Toronto Blue Jays received a little help from the stands on Tuesday, as a passionate Mennonite fan continued to pelt Baltimore Orioles outfielders with knackzoat throughout the crucial Wild Card playoff game. […]

Unger & Thirst

All Steinbach Bars to Be Annexed By Neighbouring Municipality

October 6, 2016 Andrew

LA BROQUERIE, MB Voters in the rural municipality of La Broquerie have approved a motion this week to annex all the bars and lounges in the neighbouring Mennonite city of Steinbach. “Back when Steinbach was […]

Unger & Thirst

Elderly Mennonite Man Tries a Hamburger for the First Time

October 3, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After numerous construction delays, the Manitoba burger chain Salisbury House has finally hit the big time and opened a branch in the small Mennonite town of Steinbach, Manitoba, where Arnold F. Vogt, 81, had […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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