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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Family Feeds Hungry Puppies at Local Buffet

April 29, 2017 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON A Sunday smorgasbord at a local diner turned into a feeding frenzy, with area Mennonite families sneaking their beloved pets into the buffet line. By just 12:30 the roast beef was completely gone because […]

Unger & Thirst

Raw Onions 30% More Effective than Castor Oil to Prevent Swearing

April 24, 2017 Andrew

TABER, AB A new study out of the University of Southern Alberta has shown that forcing rebellious Mennonites to eat large quantities of raw onions is significantly more effective at preventing swearing than making them drink castor […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Child Found Four Days Later Still Searching for Easter Egg

April 20, 2017 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Four days after the annual Giesbrecht family easter egg hunt a distraught Timothy Giesbrecht, 6, was located in Oma and Opa’s backyard frantically searching for the colourful hard-boiled treat. “This is the last time we […]

Unger & Thirst

Steinbachers Mourn the Loss of Taco Bell

April 19, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB For almost 20 years Steinbachers have flocked to Taco Bell for a taste of home in Chihuahua. It seems, however, that the new KFC restaurant will not be serving these delicious Mexican treats. […]

Unger & Thirst

Pastor Shortens Sermon to Allow More Time to Eat Paska Buns

April 16, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Pastor Dave at East Winkler EBMC church decided to cut his Easter sermon short this morning in order to allow his eager parishioners more time to gorge themselves on delicious Mennonite paska buns. “I figured […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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