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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Arrested at Border for Possession of Poppyseed Cake

April 12, 2017 Andrew

EMERSON, MB Local woman, Mrs. Schultz, 81, of the Altona area was arrested on charges of narcotic smuggling after she left a Tupperware container of her famous poppyseed cake in the back seat of her […]

Unger & Thirst

Check Out These Wacky Mennonite Dishes Inspired by the Daily Bonnet

April 10, 2017 Andrew

Back in February, the Daily Bonnet posted an article entitled ‘Ten Epic Mennonite Dishes We Wish Were Real‘. We never imagined that these dishes could or would actually be created. Well, a few creative Daily Bonnet […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Rank Among the World’s Best Spitters

April 4, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mennonite people excel in many fields, not least of which is our unrivalled ability to spit. At a recent competition in Winkler, Mennonite horkers and spitters came out on top in nearly every […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Man Faces Blasphemy Charges After Putting Ketchup on Perogies

April 1, 2017 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Retired bricklayer, Barney Plett of Waterloo, was arraigned on a wide variety of charges including ‘espionage’, ‘defacing public property’, and ‘attempted murder,’ after photographic evidence suggested he lathered his cottage cheese vereneki in a […]

Unger & Thirst

Fraser Valley Mennonites Survive Winter on Nothing but Raspberry Preserves

March 31, 2017 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Mennonite across the Fraser Valley have made it through yet another winter thanks to their bountiful supply of raspberry and strawberry preserves. “Thank the Lord that my grandma taught me canning,” said local woman Alexis Friesen, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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