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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Accidentally Sings Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’ During Handel’s Messiah

December 17, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man, and former ‘Hymn Sing’ star Simon Hildebrandt, 61, messed up a performance of Handel’s Messiah this week after belting out Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’ during the famous ‘Hallelujah Chorus.’ “I heard there […]

Unger Conviction

Christian Man Says ‘Merry Christmas’, Nothing Happens

December 16, 2019 Andrew

OMAHA, NE Absolutely nothing happened after local church-goer Billy Friesen, 42, greeted a stranger on the street with a hearty ‘Merry Christmas’ this past week. “I don’t get it,” said Friesen. “I was really hoping […]

Unger Conviction

Elders Warn that Morden, Manitoba is Full of ‘Aufjefollna’ Mennonites

November 17, 2019 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Cousin Pieta of Reinland was spotted cruising down the highway to Morden this past week and was immediately branded as ‘aufaulle‘ by the village purity committee. “Diestchlaund, that cousin Pieta, heading to Morden […]

Unger Conviction

Young Mennonite Yells ‘OK Boomer’ During Pastor’s Sermon

November 14, 2019 Andrew

HUTCHINSON, KS Pastor Dave at South Hutchinson Mennonite was right in the middle of extolling the virtues of long dresses and suspenders, when Alexis Pankratz, 22, rolled her eyes and yelled “ok, boomer!” as loud […]

Unger Conviction

Poppy and Peace Button Wage War for Space on Mennonite Man’s Lapel

November 11, 2019 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON For more than fifty years the vacant space on Mr. Funk’s lapel has been quiet and peaceful. Sadly, however, a war for territorial supremacy has recently broken out between a poppy and an […]

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