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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Elder Board Acquits Mennonite Pastor of Bribing Mrs. Friesen

February 7, 2020 Andrew

ROSENHOF, MB After the Faspa Committee overwhelmingly voted to oust Pastor Ron for allegedly bribing Mrs. Friesen to make fried rather than boiled vereniki at last Sunday’s luncheon, the West Rosenhof MGM Grand Church elder […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Points Out Speck of Sawdust in Brother’s Eye

February 4, 2020 Andrew

KIDRON, OH Mr. Hofstetter just couldn’t believe the size of the speck in Mr. Horst’s eye this week and made sure to point it out to him in the church lobby on Sunday. “Would you […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church to Host First Annual ‘Quiet in the Land’ Death Metal Festival

January 15, 2020 Andrew

ELKHART, IN In an effort to attract young people to church, the South Elkhart Mennonite Church is planning a death metal concert to be held in the church parking lot this summer. “In keeping with […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Sings the Wrong Version of ‘Away in a Manger’

December 22, 2019 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC A fight broke out during an Epp gathering in the church basement this week after Grandma Epp insisted on singing the wrong version of ‘Away in a Manger.’ “Diewel, that woman. She just […]

Unger Conviction

Attempt at Singing ‘Silent Night’ in German Fizzles Out After First Line

December 20, 2019 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB The annual Christmas sing-along at the Falk gathering this evening became quite awkward after someone suggested they do ‘Silent Night’ in the original German. “Oh, sure, they were gung ho at first, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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