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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Accidentally Butt Dials the Whole Congregation

March 23, 2021 Andrew

ST. CATHARINES, ON After uncomfortably shifting in her wooden pew for a full hour during the sermon, Mrs. Esau accidentally butt dialed the pastor, the pastor’s wife, five elders, every member of the women’s quilting […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church to Pipe in Fake Crowd Noise

February 25, 2021 Andrew

OMAHA, NE Starting this Sunday, the Northside Mennonite Church of Omaha is going to be piping authentic church crowd noise through the sound system to give the few people who show up the full church-going […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Holds Lottery to See Who Can Attend Church this Week

February 23, 2021 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK The Mennonites of Swift Current were on the edge of their seats this week as the names were drawn from the old BINGO cage to see which lucky members get to attend […]

Unger Conviction

Yet Another Mennonite Church Split Blamed on Yoko Ono

February 12, 2021 Andrew

R.M. of HANOVER, MB It’s another day and another church in southern Manitoba is breaking up, but rather than do some serious internal soul searching to find the source of the problem, church members have […]

Unger Conviction

Local Church Allowed to Reopen After Agreeing to Host Sunday Morning Floor Hockey Tournaments

January 13, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A church in Winnipeg will be reopening this Sunday after agreeing to host a floor hockey tournament and not do any praying or singing. “It was some tough negotiating, but the government agreed […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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