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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Elder Board to Determine Scheifele’s Fate

June 3, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After a controversial hit on Montreal forward Jake Evans last night, Mark Scheifele of the Winnipeg Jets is being brought in front of a Mennonite elder board who will determine his fate. “Mennonites […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Accidentally Speaks Plautdietsch on a Sunday

May 30, 2021 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO Mr. Wiebe, 41, was so enraptured in a conversation after church this Sunday that he hardly even noticed he was speaking Plautdietsch rather than the Lord’s language of High German. “Oba, waut de […]

Unger Conviction

Tim Tebow Signs with Mennonite Church, but Not as QB

May 10, 2021 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Famed Evangelical Christian quarterback Tim Tebow has signed a new deal with the North South Side Mennonite Church of Goshen, Indiana to serve as Associate Pastor. “Pastor Jim will be quarterbacking this congregation […]

Unger Conviction

“Freedom-Loving” Pastor Won’t Let Women Wear Pants

April 30, 2021 Andrew

DOMMHEIT, ON Canada’s most freedom-loving pastor, Apostle Hank, is all about liberty and personal freedoms without any coercion or undue influence from authority figures. “Our freedoms are being eroded daily!” exclaimed Apostle Hank to a […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Couple ‘Devastated’ after Narrowly Missing Registration Deadline for Church this Sunday

April 24, 2021 Andrew

YARROW, BC Pamela and Thomas Bueckert of Yarrow, BC put off registering for church on this lovely Sunday morning just long enough that all the spots were taken and they had to spend their morning […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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