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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Suspended from Church for the Next 4 Sundays

June 4, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man Mark Siemens, 28, has been suspended from attending church for the next four Sundays after farting audibly during the prayer time last week. “We just can’t let this kind of behaviour […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Elder Board to Determine Scheifele’s Fate

June 3, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After a controversial hit on Montreal forward Jake Evans last night, Mark Scheifele of the Winnipeg Jets is being brought in front of a Mennonite elder board who will determine his fate. “Mennonites […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Accidentally Speaks Plautdietsch on a Sunday

May 30, 2021 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO Mr. Wiebe, 41, was so enraptured in a conversation after church this Sunday that he hardly even noticed he was speaking Plautdietsch rather than the Lord’s language of High German. “Oba, waut de […]

Unger Conviction

Tim Tebow Signs with Mennonite Church, but Not as QB

May 10, 2021 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Famed Evangelical Christian quarterback Tim Tebow has signed a new deal with the North South Side Mennonite Church of Goshen, Indiana to serve as Associate Pastor. “Pastor Jim will be quarterbacking this congregation […]

Unger Conviction

“Freedom-Loving” Pastor Won’t Let Women Wear Pants

April 30, 2021 Andrew

DOMMHEIT, ON Canada’s most freedom-loving pastor, Apostle Hank, is all about liberty and personal freedoms without any coercion or undue influence from authority figures. “Our freedoms are being eroded daily!” exclaimed Apostle Hank to a […]

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