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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Couple Waits All Service to Finally Hear “You May Be Seated”

February 8, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mr. and Mrs. Driedger were on their feet exactly at 10:01 AM when the worship leader asked everyone to “stand if you are able” and turn to Hymn 603 in their Voices Together […]

Unger Conviction

Church Elders to Investigate Member’s Involvement in Wordle Cheating Scandal

February 6, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The posting of a “highly suspicious” Wordle score by Mrs. Lois Toews of Winkler has spurred on the church elders to investigate. “A 1/6? Seriously, a 1/6? I’ve never seen that in all […]

Unger Conviction

Winkler Megamart to Become One Massive Shed Church

December 21, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After making absolutely zero effort to enforce provincial health restrictions, a local megamart has decided to transform the store into “one of them shed churches I heard so much about.” “We ain’t got […]

Unger Conviction

New ‘Transformers’ Movie to Feature Mennonites Who Are One Way on Sunday and Totally Different the Rest of the Week

December 8, 2021 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Michael Bay is set to direct a brand new Transformers movie that features Mennonites who miraculously transform into pious and righteous individuals for just one hour every Sunday morning. “They can throw on […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonites Now Totally Spaced Out in Church

November 28, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB In a letter sent home to every member this week and a stirring plea from the pulpit this morning, Pastor Bob is encouraging his congregation to be “totally spaced out” in church. “The […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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