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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Thousands of Steinbachers Set Up Lawn Chairs Just Outside Concert Gates To Avoid Paying

June 18, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Always trying to getting something for nothing, tens of thousands of Steinbachers pitched their lawn chairs within listening distance of Summer in the City concerts this weekend. “Yeah, well, I can hear perfectly […]

The Daily Bonnet

Group Proposes to Move Steinbach’s Summer Festival to the Very Coldest Day of the Year

June 18, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A small group of concerned Steinbach citizens has proposed to move next year’s Summer in the City Festival to the dead of winter. “I’m just not sure we should be out there when the weather […]

The Daily Bonnet

Area Couple Names Newborn Daughter ‘Abe’

June 16, 2016 Andrew

SCHOENHORST, MB Colin and Evelyn Harder, of the Shoenhorst area, have decided to name their newborn daughter ‘Abe’ to give her a fighting chance of getting a decent job when she’s older. “It’s too bad we […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Band Royal Canoe to be Knighted by Queen Elizabeth II

June 15, 2016 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local indie rock sensations Royal Canoe, who are currently touring North America in support of their upcoming album Something Got Lost Between Here and the Orbit, have drawn the attention of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Leaves Record $0.10 Tip at Local Diner

June 13, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area waitresses were shocked to hear of the generous ten cent tip that fellow restaurant server Mary Penner received during her evening shift on Saturday. “In all my years of waitressing, I’ve never […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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