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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Questions about Hillary Clinton’s Health May Disqualify Her From Ushering in Church

August 23, 2016 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC As videos continue to surface on the Internet that show Mrs. Clinton with unusual facial ticks and long bathroom breaks, some Mennonite pundits are suggesting Hillary Clinton may not have the physical stamina necessary […]

The Daily Bonnet

Town Unveils New Public Transit System

August 23, 2016 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB The small Mennonite town of Grunthal has recently unveiled a new ten year plan to improve the growing community’s public transportation infrastructure. The plan includes the licensing of guys with pickup trucks to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Families Delighted With Local Production of ‘Peter Panner’

August 22, 2016 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB Families across southeast Manitoba snatched up tickets to the Niverville Community Theatre’s production of JM Barrie’s ‘Peter Panner,’ the famous tale of a young Mennonite boy who insists on wearing green and never wants […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadian Mennonites Pay Tribute to the Tragically Hip

August 21, 2016 Andrew

KINGSTON, ON After the Tragically Hip played their final concert ever last night in Kingston, Ontario, millions of Canadians, including Mennonites, paid tribute to the iconic Canadian band. “I’ve never clapped before in my life…but […]

Unger Games

Olympic Fans Have One Last Chance to Cheer Against the USA Today

August 21, 2016 Andrew

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL As the 2016 Rio Games come to a close, fans from across the world will have one last chance today to cheer against Team USA. “It’s really going to be tough […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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