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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Grandma Arrested for Force-Feeding Unsuspecting Grandson

October 29, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Mennonite grandmother Betsy Petkau, 63, was arrested this week after using her charm and persistence to convince her twenty-year-old grandson Jeff to eat an entire roast chicken and two gallons of potato salad. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Rumours Fly as Young Woman Gets a Haircut

October 28, 2016 Andrew

ROSENHOF, MB The rumour mill was running in full force this weekend after local woman Marilynne Klassen, 32, went to one of those weltlijch city hairdressers and came back with the “shortest haircut we’ve ever […]

Unger & Thirst

New Mennonite EpiPen Injects Emergency Supply of Schmaunt Fat

October 27, 2016 Andrew

PLUM COULEE, MB Mennonites throughout southern Manitoba have been lining up outside local pharmacies to get their hands on a newly redesigned EpiPen that injects an emergency supply of schmaunt fat straight into the user’s […]

Unger Suspicion

DNA Testing Reveals Theologian Greg Boyd to be ‘90% Mennonite’

October 26, 2016 Andrew

ST. PAUL, MN After sending away for one of those DNA home testing kits, Greg Boyd, renowned author and pastor of Woodland Hills Church in St. Paul, discovered he was almost entirely Mennonite. The new improved […]

Unger Suspicion

For Some Strange Reason Canadians are Really Excited About A Foreign Country’s Presidential Election

October 26, 2016 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Canadians from coast-to-coast have been glued to their television sets this fall watching coverage of the upcoming Presidential election in Bulgaria. “Canadians can’t get enough of the bickering back and forth between frontrunners […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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