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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Friesen-Friesen Wedding is Well-Attended by Local Friesens

September 8, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Hundreds of Friesens from throughout southeast Manitoba descended on the local EMBC church this past Saturday to attend the wedding of Benjamin Friesen and Anna Friesen (no relation). “I’m so excited to see […]

Unger Suspicion

Oil Company to Reroute Pipeline Through World’s Most Famous Cemeteries

September 7, 2016 Andrew

DALLAS, TX Despite significant opposition to the project, one of the world’s major oil companies has elected to route their new pipeline to make sure it damages as many sacred burial grounds as possible. The pipeline has […]

The Daily Bonnet

Students Petition CMU for ‘Hipster Discount’

September 7, 2016 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A group of millennial students at Canadian Mennonite University have asked the institution for a discount on their tuition because they are hipsters. “Children of alumni, missionary kids, pastor’s kids – they all […]

Unger Suspicion

Tourists Shocked by Absence of Bonnets in Southern Manitoba

September 6, 2016 Andrew

NEUBERGTHAL, MB With an attractive exchange rate and lower fuel prices, thousands of tourists from North Dakota and Minnesota have been lured north over the border to Manitoba this summer, due in part to the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Works His Usual 18 Hours on Labour Day

September 5, 2016 Andrew

YARROW, BC Exhibiting the most extreme manifestation of the “Protestant work ethic,” local butcher Helmut Siemens of Yarrow spent every waking moment making farmer sausage this Labour Day. “I don’t take a day off unless it’s the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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