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Articles by Andrew

Uncategorized

‘Choose the band from this list I have not seen in concert’: by Uncle Corny Loewen

April 28, 2017 Andrew

BY: ONKEL CORNY LOEWEN Oba, so on the Internets I noticed all these Enjelsch people posting lists of the music groups they have gone to see at the local barn loft or whatever. Well, I’ve gone […]

Uncategorized

Nordstrom Sells $600 ‘Authentic Mennonite-Worn’ Dirty Jeans

April 27, 2017 Andrew

SEATTLE, WA Mennonite hog farmers across North America are ecstatic at the new opportunity to sell their old dirty sweaty jeans at a huge profit to Nordstrom. “I don’t know why those English want our […]

Unger Conviction

Church Singles Group Disbanded After Three Decades Without Success

April 25, 2017 Andrew

DALMENY, SK When Linda, Dan, Albert, Annie, Susan, and Paul held the inaugural meeting of the West Dalmeny EMB Singles Group back in 1987, all of them had high hopes that their desire for a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Man Finally Earns Enough Airmiles to Visit Winkler

April 25, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After more than twenty years of collecting, Steinbach man Doug Ens has finally earned enough Airmiles to visit his Winkler relatives. “He kept telling us he didn’t have enough Airmiles to visit us,” said Doug’s […]

Unger & Thirst

Raw Onions 30% More Effective than Castor Oil to Prevent Swearing

April 24, 2017 Andrew

TABER, AB A new study out of the University of Southern Alberta has shown that forcing rebellious Mennonites to eat large quantities of raw onions is significantly more effective at preventing swearing than making them drink castor […]

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