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Articles by Andrew

Unger Games

‘Mount Kenaston’ Ski Hill Closes for the Season

March 2, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Manitoba’s highest and favourite ski hill ‘Mount Kenaston’ is closing for the 2019 season after temperatures rose to minus twenty this weekend. “We’re getting into spring now and we’ve decided to shut things […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Offers ‘Gorgeous New Pool Facilities’ to Rural Residents

March 1, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Residents of neighbouring rural areas are being offered “first dibs” on some gorgeous new swimming facilities on the corner of Reimer and Pine. “It’s the least we can do to show our appreciation […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Takes Up Vegas Residency

February 28, 2019 Andrew

LAS VEGAS, NV Popular Mennonite minister Johan Schantz, 72, of Elmira, Ontario has been offered a two-year residency at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. The new show will feature sermons, communion, and a nightly […]

Unger Suspicion

Trudeau Really Hoping ‘Everyone Is Way Too High to Notice Scandal’

February 28, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Knowing he was soon going to face the biggest scandal of his political career, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau made sure Canadians “had a few months to get nice and toasted” before the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Throws Caution to the Wind, Puts Fine China in Dishwasher

February 26, 2019 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mrs. Brandt, 84, of Altona was sick and tired of having to hand wash the fine bone china she got on her wedding day in 1954 and has decided, after all these years, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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