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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Excited for New Tolkien Prequel

December 11, 2018 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Mennonite geeks across North America have been filled with anticipation over the recently announced prequel to Tolkien’s Middle-earth series. Peter Jackson released teaser trailers this week for the new movie, tentatively titled The […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Pastor ‘Fuming Mad’ He Wasn’t Invited to ‘First Ministers Meeting’

December 10, 2018 Andrew

MONTREAL, QC A pastor of a small town Mennonite church was absolutely furious this week after he found out he did not get in invite to the First Ministers meeting in Montreal. “What, so the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Left Lane Between Steinbach and Blumenort to be Designated “Slow Minivan Lane”

December 9, 2018 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB After extensive traffic studies on Highway 12 north of Steinbach this summer, the Manitoba Road Authority has decided to designate the left lane to be used exclusively by families driving excruciatingly slow and/or […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Attends His First Vanapag Jats Game

December 8, 2018 Andrew

VANAPAG, MB Local man, Abraham Krahn of North Kildonan, was thrilled to get some free tickets to see his favourite hockey team the Vanapag Jats in action last night against the St. Louis Blues. “Its […]

Unger Conviction

Local Pastor Preaches Hour-Long Sermon About Why ‘Die Hard’ is a Christmas Movie

December 7, 2018 Andrew

OMAHA, NE An associate pastor at East Omaha Mennonite was so desperate to connect with his congregation that he spent a full hour during the service this week pontificating on why the 1980s classic action […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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