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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

‘Acting like an idiot’: Mennonite Driver Clocked at Just 2.32 km/hr on Trans-Canada Highway

October 19, 2018 Andrew

THOMSON STATION, NS According to CBC News, a Mennonite driver vacationing in Nova Scotia this summer, was allegedly caught driving at over 2 km/h on the Trans-Canada Highway this week. “This is the fastest speed […]

Unger Suspicion

Canada Pays Off Entire Federal Debt One Day After Marijuana Legalization

October 18, 2018 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Less than 24 hours after cannabis became legal in Canada, the federal government announced they had made so much money in tax revenue from the sale of legal weed that they were able […]

Unger & Thirst

Canadian Mennonites Lineup to Get Their Hands on Legal Platz

October 17, 2018 Andrew

SOUTH BLUMENORT, MB Ten of thousands of Mennonites across Canada have been lining up outside platz shops today to get their hands on legal platz for the first time in nearly 100 years. “It’s a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Naps Right Through Faspa

October 16, 2018 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB Local man, Lyle Braun, 37, was so tuckered out after a long week at work that he slept right through faspa on Sunday. By the time he woke up his wife Anne […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Has Suspenders Confiscated at Quebec Border

October 15, 2018 Andrew

GATINEAU, QC Johan Brubacher hitched up the wagon this week, eager to take his family to Montreal, a city renowned for Mennonite specialties like poutine and craft beer. However, as soon as the buggy crossed […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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