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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Net Worth of All Your Favourite Mennonite Celebrities

May 3, 2019 Andrew

If you’ve Google a favourite celebrity in the last few years, you’ve probably noticed that one of the first things to pop up is their estimated net worth. Never wanting to pass up the opportunity […]

Unger & Thirst

Sound of Knacking Zoat Used as Mennonite Mating Call

May 2, 2019 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Young Mennonite men throughout the Grunthal region, including Gnadenfeld, Kronsgard, and Alt-Bergfeld, have been loudly knacking their zoat on the back of Ernie Friesen’s pick-up truck this weekend in hopes of attracting eligible […]

Unger Suspicion

Sad Lonely Canadian Man Still Watching Hockey for Some Reason

May 1, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Darrel Schmidt, 41, of Toronto is still “really into” the NHL playoffs despite the fact that any real reason to follow hockey ended sometime last week. “After the Maple Leafs are out and […]

Unger & Thirst

New Bothwell Resident Arrested for Putting Processed Cheese on His Burger

April 30, 2019 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB Local man Mr. P_________________, has been arrested and arraigned on charges of failing to use Bothwell cheese at a BBQ this week. “Not only was he not using the best cheese in […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite College Student Faints with Excitement at Hauerwas Lecture

April 29, 2019 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC Thousands of die hard Stanley Hauerwas fans packed BC Place Stadium this week to hear the famed theologian give an hour long public lecture. The crowd was so excited to see the Resident Aliens-author […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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