Net Worth of All Your Favourite Mennonite Celebrities

If you’ve Google a favourite celebrity in the last few years, you’ve probably noticed that one of the first things to pop up is their estimated net worth. Never wanting to pass up the opportunity to replicate the materialistic obsession of secular society, the Daily Bonnet has done extensive research into this topic. Here is the net worth of all your favourite Mennos!

  • Mrs. Friesen, 78, of Leamington, Ontario – Leamington’s ketchup queen is rumoured to have six thousand one-dollar bills hidden under her mattress and a huge stash of Juicy Fruit gum.
  • Mr. Plett, 89, of Landmark, Manitoba – Landmark’s most famous trachtmoaka, has amassed an estate which includes three thousand dollars in unused flaxseed, a collection of old stamps, and five eligible daughters in their 60s.
  • Timothy Wiebe, 11, of Dalmeny, SK – Timothy has been saving his allowance money for the past eight years and now finally has enough for a PlayStation 4, though the elders forbid video games.
  • Mr. Yoder, 102, of Goshen, IN – Relatives are eagerly anticipating great-great-grandpa’s demise, so they divide up all old German Bibles and hymn books among themselves. The collection is believed to be worth more than fifteen American dollars, or $8 million Canadian.
  • Mrs. Aggie Toews, 54, of Shipyard Colony, Belize – Mrs. Toews has no money in the bank, but, instead, has a garage full of old margarine containers. Most of them have even been rinsed out before storage!
  • Mrs. Kraybill, 35, of Lancaster, PA – There was a time not too long ago when Mrs. Kraybill was frequently listed in Forbes Magazine among the world’s wealthiest Mennos. Unfortunately she put all her money in black strap molasses stocks and lots everything after the economic downturn in 2008. She’s been criticized by some members of the community for paying herself huge bonuses of molasses while receiving a huge government bailout.
  • Miss Petkau, 21, of Chilliwack, BC – Renowned Mennonite blogger Miss Erna Petkau has an enormous collection of old Reader’s Digest magazines inherited from her grandmother. “I even have the complete set of abridged hardcover books!”
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