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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Innovative Mennonite Kids Fill Super Soakers with Hand Sanitizer

July 14, 2020 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS Just when everyone thought that water fights in the summer of 2020 would be a no-no, the innovative Koop kids of Goessel came up with a creative solution: hand sanitizer. “It’s not the […]

Unger & Thirst

Heretical Mennonite Man Smothers Perogies in Sour Cream

July 13, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local man, Abe Sawatzky, 67, shocked a whole table of cousins at faspa on Friday after foregoing the schmaunt fat and smothering his cottage cheese perogies in sour cream instead. “Diewel devil shinda! […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Hill Masquerades as “Mountain”

July 12, 2020 Andrew

DUCK MOUNTAIN PROVINCIAL PARK, MB A number of hills in Western Manitoba that have been calling themselves “mountains” for quite some time, are finally facing the truth. “I’m a hill, alright? And I’m a good-looking […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Visits Every Single Chicken Chef in Manitoba

July 11, 2020 Andrew

ROBLIN, MB With an order of a buffalo chicken burger with a side of fries and gravy in Roblin, Manitoba, Mr. Plett of Morden, completed his ten-year-long quest to visit every single Chicken Chef in […]

Unger & Thirst

Full Grown Man Still Eats Sugary Children’s Cereal

July 10, 2020 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Despite the protests of his loving wife Doris, Mr. Eby, 43, of Waterloo downs three bowls of sugary children’s cereal every morning at breakfast. “Count Chocula! Froot Loops! Lucky Charms! You name it, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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