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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Altona to Erect Massive Jackson Pollock Right Next to Big Van Gogh

August 16, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB For years, tourists have flocked to the Altona region to see the fields of sunflowers, the beautiful sculpture garden, and the world’s largest Van Gogh. But a petition is going around to add […]

Unger Conviction

Hundreds of Mennonites Show Up at Church on Onewheels

August 15, 2020 Andrew

SOMMERFELD, MB Hundreds of Mennonites abandoned their pickup trucks and minivans and, instead, showed up at church this weekend on electric skateboards called Onewheels. “Oh, you know me,” said Mr. Plett, “I always keep up […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Man Totally Hooked on ‘Mennonite Marijuana’

August 14, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Even though more potent product is now legal for use in Canada, nothing can stop Mr. Klassen, 83, from chowing down “Mennonite marijuana” every chance he can get. “I get this stuff so […]

The Daily Bonnet

40-Year-Old Mennonite Man Still Called “Junge”

August 13, 2020 Andrew

GRETNA, MB A local real estate attorney, who just turned 40 this week, is still called “junge” by all the elderly Mennonites at his church, likely due to the fact he’s unmarried and keeps his […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Child Doesn’t Recognize Her Own Oma Behind That Mask

August 12, 2020 Andrew

REINLAND, MB Local child, Susie, 8, was really excited for Oma Peters to come over and play Uno with her this afternoon, but couldn’t figure out who on earth this strange woman was at the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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