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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Local Man Shocked to Discover that his “aM a zon ackount has bin sispendead”

November 22, 2020 Andrew

SHERWOOD PARK, AB Local man Ed Klassen, 69, of Sherwood Park, Alberta was absolutely flummoxed to discover that his “aM a zon” account had been disabled and desperately needed to be fixed “by logging in […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mrs. Wiebe Raises Adult Son’s Allowance to 5 Shiny New Quarters a Week

November 21, 2020 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Mrs. Agnes Wiebe is excited to announce that her 48-year-old son Derrick, who sleeps on the couch in her partly-finished Blumenort basement, will be seeing a raise in his allowance from 4 shiny new […]

Unger Suspicion

Communist Takeover Complete After Local Man is Politely Asked to Put on a Mask

November 20, 2020 Andrew

SCHLAMMFELD, MB Local communists have declared complete and total victory over the resistant kulaks this week after successfully convincing some guy named Darryl from Schlammfeld to put on a mask. “At last, with this final […]

The Daily Bonnet

Typo Leads to Confusion at Local Store

November 19, 2020 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Customers entering Dueck Sausage Emporium in Swift Current this week were greeted with a friendly message to “satanize” their hands before entry. “Diewel, I knew things were bad, but this is getting […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Residents to Get Bolt Cutters in their Stockings this Christmas

November 18, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After the heroic display by Steinbach’s now infamous counter-protestor, bolt cutters have been flying off the shelves at local stores offering curbside pickup. “I was thinking of getting my Nettie a pair of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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