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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandma Eager to Start ‘Remote Learning’

March 20, 2021 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK When her local school announced they would be going to “remote learning” this semester, Mrs. Wiebe of Swift Current was eager to sign up for the course. “I’ve struggled with that remote […]

Quizzes

The World’s Easiest Mennonite Quiz

March 19, 2021 Andrew

Alright, folks, this one is easy. I promise. It’s so easy that even the staunchest of Lutherans should get ten out of ten. Here it is: the world’s easiest Mennonite quiz. [wp_quiz id=”14699″]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Worried He Might Be Getting Old as He’s Finally Developed a Taste for Borscht

March 18, 2021 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB After a childhood of utter repulsion at the sight of cabbage borscht, 22-year-old Thomas Plett of Kleefeld has finally developed a taste for the stuff. “I’m not sure what did it,” said Plett. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Still Using the Toilet Paper She Bought Last Year

March 17, 2021 Andrew

MOOSE JAW, SK Rose Bueckert, 43, of Moose Jaw has barely even scratched the surface of all the extra absorbent Cottonelle she panic-bought at the beginning of the pandemic last year. “It’s just like all […]

Unger Suspicion

Tom Brady Signs Massive $50 Million Geritol Endorsement Deal

March 16, 2021 Andrew

TAMPA BAY, FL Aging NFL quarterback Tom Brady has signed a new two-year deal worth close to $50 million to endorse Geritol multivitamins. “I figure by the time I’m done this new contact with the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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