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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Thrills Wife with Fleeting Half-Assed Massage

May 16, 2021 Andrew

YARROW, BC Tim Driedger, 43, of Yarrow showed his appreciation for his lovely wife Susan this afternoon with a brief shoulder rub, while on his way to the couch. “Happy Birthday,” said Tim, giving Susan’s […]

Unger Suspicion

‘Mainstream Media Can’t be Trusted’ Says Area Man Who Gets All His Information from Memes

May 15, 2021 Andrew

ELKHART, IN A local man who gets all his information from memes he sees on social media has publicly declared that he has absolutely no use for “mainstream media.” “Ach, they’re all biased,” said Mr. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Fully Vaccinated Mennonites Can Remove their Bonnets in Public

May 14, 2021 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC In a press conference at the White House today President Joe Biden announced that starting next week fully-vaccinated Mennonites will be allowed to remove their bonnets in all public places. “And the men […]

Unger & Thirst

Steinbachers Excited to Have “Shots at the Legion”

May 13, 2021 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Ever since it was announced that the old Legion Building on Elm would be the spot of a new vaccine supersite, Steinbachers have been eager to book their time to go for shots […]

Unger Suspicion

“I Can’t Believe the Mormons Have that Extra Holy Book,” Says Christian Man Who Literally Worships the US Constitution

May 12, 2021 Andrew

GRAND FORKS, ND Local man and constitution-worshipper Henry Unger says he just “can’t believe the Mormons have all these extra holy books that they added centuries later.” For Unger, it’s just the Old Testament, New […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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