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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Angry White Man Reports on All the Horrible Atrocities Facing Angry White Men These Days

June 6, 2021 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Without a touch of irony, local oil executive ‘Brommsch’ Klassen, 37, has been posting memes and poorly sourced articles about how bad things are for him and his buddies, all the while telling […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Facebook Algorithm Only Shows Posts from Your 26 Closest Frintschoft

June 5, 2021 Andrew

FRESNO, CA A study conducted in Fresno, California indicates that Facebook is now only showing posts from your 26 closest frintschoft and has completely blocked posts by Uncle Jake. “Blocking Uncle Jake is no loss, […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Suspended from Church for the Next 4 Sundays

June 4, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man Mark Siemens, 28, has been suspended from attending church for the next four Sundays after farting audibly during the prayer time last week. “We just can’t let this kind of behaviour […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Elder Board to Determine Scheifele’s Fate

June 3, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After a controversial hit on Montreal forward Jake Evans last night, Mark Scheifele of the Winnipeg Jets is being brought in front of a Mennonite elder board who will determine his fate. “Mennonites […]

Unger Suspicion

Daily Bonnet Risks Alienating Legions of Devoted Followers in Quebec by Saying “Go Jets Go!”

June 2, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The editorial team at the Daily Bonnet wrote their most bold and provocative message ever today after breaking journalist neutrality and declaring their allegiance with the Winnipeg Jets. “It was something that had […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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