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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Study: 99% of Anti-Vax “Research” Occurs While Taking a Dump

August 28, 2021 Andrew

FARGO, ND A new study shows that the overwhelming majority of anti-vax research occurs whilst the researcher is doing a number two. “We geolocated all the top anti-vax researchers and found almost all of them […]

Unger Games

Amish Win Gold in Olympic Barn Raising Competition

August 27, 2021 Andrew

TOKYO, JAPAN A team of Schwartzenhersbergertruberschmidts swept the medals at the Barn Raising competition at this year’s Olympic Games. “We placed first, second, and third, though that was mostly because the Mennonites failed the drug […]

Quizzes

Quiz Time: Would you win an election in southern Manitoba?

August 26, 2021 Andrew

With a federal election on the horizon, a lot of prospective candidates are trying to figure out their odds before taking the plunge. Want to run in southern Manitoba? Well, the Daily Bonnet has created […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Finally Finds an IPA that’s Not Too Bitter for Him

August 24, 2021 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local man Garth Penner has been pressured by his buddies to drink something other than light lagers for years and has finally found an “IPA” suited to his tastes. “Got myself a Keith’s,” […]

Unger & Thirst

Medium Salsa Proves Far Too Spicy for Mennonite Man

August 23, 2021 Andrew

BRANDON, MB Local man Joel Wiebe of Rosenort was on his way to visit his cousins in Swift Current when he decided to stop by in Brandon for a bite of delicious Mexican food. Dazzled […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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