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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Claims Using Turn Signal is a “Violation of Privacy”

November 6, 2021 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Local man Wilmer Peters, 68, has been driving around Calgary for decades without ever using his turn signal, which he claims is a violation of his privacy. “I don’t need people looking over […]

Unger & Thirst

Steinbach Installs New Water Treatment Plant to Make All their Water Taste Just Like Niverville’s

November 5, 2021 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After months of consulting water sommeliers in neighbouring Niverville, a massive new water treatment plant opened in Steinbach this week, which promises to provide locals with “the distinct bouquet and mouthfeel of authentic […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Reads Full Daily Bonnet Article After Years of Just Reading the Headlines

November 4, 2021 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Peter Bartsch of Leamington, who has spent the last five years reading The Daily Bonnet with his morning pripps, accidentally clicked on a post today and was shocked to discover there was an […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Shocks Relatives by Shooting with Middle Finger

November 3, 2021 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB Mr. Dueck had all the frintschoft in a tizzy this past week after he sunk twenty after twenty with his middle finger. “I always knips better with the middle one,” said Mr. Dueck. […]

Unger Suspicion

Heather Stefanson Finds Huge Mound of Zoat Left Over in Premier’s Office

November 2, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After two months in office, Manitoba’s first Mennonite premier sure knacked a lot of zoat. This, according to new premier Heather Stefanson, who had to hire a backhoe to remove all of Kelvin […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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