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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Father Tortures Family By Taking a Ride to the Country to Look at the Crops

August 16, 2021 Andrew

REGINA, SK Mr. Earl Fehr of Regina loaded up the minivan and took the family on a six-hour long drive through the countryside to look at some fields this weekend. “Hey, look, kids! Bales!” yelled […]

Unger Suspicion

Justin Trudeau Suffers Embarrassing Case of Premature Election

August 15, 2021 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Federal Liberal leader Justin Trudeau has suffered an embarrassing case of premature election this week, the youngest sitting politician ever to suffer in this manner. “It’s my first time encountering this ailment,” said […]

Unger Suspicion

Senate Approves $1 Trillion Infrastructure Bill to Pave Church Parking Lots

August 14, 2021 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC The United States senate has just approved a massive one trillion dollar infrastructure bill that will be allocated to address the country’s most pressing need: church parking lots. “When we look at the […]

Unger & Thirst

Pink Whitney Discovered in Mrs. Loewen’s Thermos

August 13, 2021 Andrew

HIMMELSDORF, MB Mrs. Loewen’s co-workers at the credit union in Himmelsdorf this week noted a mysterious pattern of behaviour after lunch that simply demanded an explanation. “She alway seems much happier after she’s had her […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Usher Duct Tapes Unruly Parishioner to Church Pew

August 12, 2021 Andrew

WAKARUSA, IN An unnamed local man was flying off the handle in church this Sunday and had to be restrained with duct tape by South Wakarusa Mennonite’s top usher Mr. Beck. “He was clearly intoxicated […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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