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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Critics Call New ‘Dueck’ Movie Just a Rip-off of ‘Star Wars’

November 11, 2021 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Although many have praised the performance of young star Timothéeeeeeeee Schellenmet, critics have found many parallels between the new Dueck movie and its clear influence Star Wars. “It’s like Star Wars except they’re […]

The Daily Bonnet

Abbotsford Woman Experiences Embarrassing Bout of Garden Envy

November 10, 2021 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC After a visit to Butchart Gardens on Vancouver Island this week, Mrs. Klassen, 83, of Abbotsford experienced mysterious new feelings she’d never felt before in her life. “I can’t say for certain, but […]

Unger Conviction

Child With Eyes Open During Prayer Spots Child With Eyes Open During Prayer

November 9, 2021 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Lisa Plett, 7, of Mitchell had her eyes open during the pre-faspa prayer this Sunday just long enough to spot her cousins Timmy, Susie, and Anne, who also had their eyes open. “Mom! […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeger Super Jealous of All the Attention Brandon’s Been Getting Lately

November 8, 2021 Andrew

BRANDON, MB One resident of Manitoba’s largest city is sick and tired of all the support arch-rival Brandon’s been getting as of late. “Everyone’s all ‘Let’s go Brandon, let’s go!” explained hurt U of W […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Keeps Reusing the Same Poppy He Bought 30 Years Ago

November 7, 2021 Andrew

BLACK CREEK, BC Thanks to an ingenious pinning technique by his wife Susie, Mr. Harms of Black Creek has managed to re-wear the same poppy he purchased back in the late 1980s. “Ahh, it’s November […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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