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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Makes Millions Selling Chicken Coops to Calgary Yuppies

September 11, 2022 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Abe Koop of Linden, Alberta has capitalized on a strange new trend among Calgary yuppies: backyard chicken coops. Since the trend of raising your owns chickens caught on in Calgary, like, three weeks […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Issues Memo Against Signing Garrett Marino

September 10, 2022 Andrew

REGINA, SK After a number of controversial hits that resulted in him being cut from the team, former Saskatchewan Roughriders defensive lineman Garrett Marino will have to look for work elsewhere. Joining the staff of […]

Unger & Thirst

Truck Spills Schmaunt Fat All Over Memphis Highway

September 9, 2022 Andrew

MEMPHIS, TN “The schmaunt fat was everywhere. The schmaunt fat was in the northbound lane. The schmaunt fat was in the southbound lane. The schmaunt fat was pooling in all the potholes.” This, according to […]

Unger & Thirst

Thousands of Partiers Show Up to Mennonite Man’s “Hot New Disco”

September 8, 2022 Andrew

HOCHFELD, MEXICO Equipped with bellbottoms and Bee Gees records, thousands of eager dancers showed up in the tiny village of Hochfeld, Mexico this week for what promised to be the “hottest disco in all of […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Census Data Identifies ‘English mixed with Plautdietsch and a bit of regular German mixed in yet’ as Most Popular Language in Winkler

September 7, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Recently released figures from Stats Canada show that English with a sprinkling of Low and High German is the most common mother tongue in the RM of Winkler yet once. “Oh, jauma, they […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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