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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Desperate to Find Some Relation to Davy Klaassen

November 23, 2022 Andrew

LOMA PLATA, PARAGUAY Moments after Dutch midfielder Davy Klaasen scored his first World Cup goal, millions of Mennonites scoured their family history books to see if maybe, just maybe, they were somehow related. “Oba, well, […]

Unger Suspicion

Toronto Argos Celebrate Victory with Reception in Mennonite Church Basement

November 21, 2022 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The Grey Cup-winning Toronto Argonauts gathered at the South Toronto Mennonite Church basement this afternoon for a lovely celebration that included a delightful array of buns with jam and several fans. “Thanks, everyone, […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Church Accused of Serving Weak Coffee

November 20, 2022 Andrew

GNADENTHAL, MB An area Mennonite church has been called before the local ministerial this week for “watering down the true essence of our faith” by serving “such weak coffee that even the Lutherans would not […]

Unger Suspicion

Saskatchewan Farmer Rents Out His Barn as Grey Cup Accommodations

November 19, 2022 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK With hotels booked up as far away as Medicine Hat and Brandon, resourceful Mennonite farmers across Saskatchewan are ready to cash in on the Grey Cup accommodation shortage. One such entrepreneur is […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Now in Charge of British Columbia

November 18, 2022 Andrew

VICTORIA, BC After having his name selected in the traditional Mennonite manner – by drawing lots – a man from Kitchener, Ontario by the name of David Eby is now Premier of British Columbia. “Well, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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