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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Refuses to Do Her Christmas Shopping Until There’s Snow on the Ground

November 16, 2023 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mrs. Ruth Peters of Winkler is amassing a long list of presents to buy, all because the lack of snow on the ground this November has not put her in the right mood […]

Unger Suspicion

Royal Canadian Mint Brings Back the Penny Just to Have Some Place to Put King Charles

November 14, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB It seems the long-forgotten penny is of some use after all. This afternoon, the Royal Canadian Mint announced they’d be bringing back the one-cent coin just so they’d have some place to put […]

Unger the Influence

Danielle Smith Announces $334 Billion Plan to Drill for Essential Oils

November 13, 2023 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has just announced a new $334 billion investment in essential oil-drilling, contingent on Alberta getting out of the Canada Pension Plan. “We can handle your pension money. Just trust […]

Unger Suspicion

Five Nights at Frida’s is Scariest Mennonite Movie Ever

November 12, 2023 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Fans piling out of the theatre in La Crete, Alberta this week have declared Five Nights at Frida’s the scariest Mennonite movie ever made. “It’s about a young boy who has to spend […]

Unger & Thirst

Grandma Cookies Now Made from Freshly Harvested Grandmas

November 11, 2023 Andrew

BLUMENHOF, MB While modern technology has meant that Grandma Cookies are available year round, connoisseurs know that there’s nothing like a Grandma Cookie made from freshly harvested Grandmas. “We had a bumper crop of Grandmas […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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