Neighbourhood Church Has Staff of 30 Pastors for Some Reason


The local Waters of Thankful Fellowship church has an average weekly attendance of just over 200 people but has a pastoral staff of more than 30 full time positions for some reason.

“Here at WTF we want to make sure every pastoral niche is served,” said Pastor Bob the Third. “In addition to three lead pastors, and a half dozen associate pastors, we also have a Speaking Pastor, Social Media Pastor, Weekly Bulletin Pastor, Kidz Pastor, Teenz Pastor, plus one for seniors, cell groups, worship, hip and grooviness, shunning, guitar tuning, and mansplaining.”

In order to pay for such a large staff, congregants are expected to tithe 45% of their gross income.

“We had a few folks trying to get away with paying based on net income, but we quickly put an end to that,” said Pastor Bob the Fifth. “How else are we going to fill spots for Pastors of Discipleship, Family Counselling, Floor Hockey, Faspa, Church Discipline, and our five open Janitorial Pastor positions?”

In addition to a staff of 30 pastors, each and every spouse of the various pastors is also on the payroll for some strange reason.

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