Angry Facebook User Single-handedly Swings Election in Hillary’s Favour


Local Facebook user Elvin Peterson, 22, is proud to discover that the profanity-laden angry rant against Donald Trump that he posted at three in the morning last night after a long hard day of playing Grand Theft Auto 5 has had a significant impact on the upcoming election.

“I hate Donald Trump,” said Peterson. “So I made sure to let everyone on Facebook know my opinion of him. I’m certain that all 54 of my followers have since changed their minds and are now voting for Hillary.”

Peterson is expecting a congratulatory message from the Clinton campaign for his efforts, even though his angry rant was only read by his three or four remaining Facebook friends who didn’t unfollow him when he began posting links about the election a couple months ago.

“If people didn’t know my opinion of Donald Trump before, they certainly will now after I called him a ‘total scumbag’ and ‘the biggest threat to America since John Wilkes Booth,’ in my recent blog post,” said Peterson. “I’m also planning on comparing him to Hitler, which is always a proven and effective argument.”

Peterson says he’s hoping for a cabinet position in the new Clinton White House, either as the White House Chief of Staff or Secretary of State.

“Just look at the polls. My social media rants are handing this election to Clinton,” said Peterson. “I sure hope she realizes what a service I’m doing for her.”

(Photo credit: by jonbro/CC)

Renowned Mennonite Scholar Unable To Locate Car In Parking Lot
Congregation Votes to Continue Serving Raisin Buns at Funerals